Dear Senora Nunez,

You said I was crazy! But I always maintained that the minute you stop having canons ready, that’s when the hordes will invade. Just look what happened when the earthquake knocked down a section of the Great Wall of China: Mongols everywhere. So what if it’s been 200 years since we last saw the invaders? So what if most of the townspeople have moved away and there’s little left to defend?

Recently I announced that I was decommissioning the canons, and within a week the place was swarming with attackers. Good thing I’d lied.

Please come home. It’s safe now that our enemies have been defeated.

Yours,

Colonel Nunez