Dear humans,

You think I’m pretty cute, huh? You think my fur is soft? Yeah, I’ve got cousins in the zoo, & they tell me about your squeals. But guess what? I lost a brother the other day to one of you squealing bipeds. Dude took a club & just beat him like Rodney King. We don’t have video cameras up here, but don’t think you’re getting off without a riot.

We may look cuddly, but it’s only skin deep, & we won’t be your shoes anymore.

I am a baby seal. And I will f*ck you up.

You’ve been warned,